Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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