don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
