dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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