i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
pray to the hookup gods
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
