somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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