Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
