with your own penis?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i think my tv is drunk
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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