She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
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I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
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She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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