So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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