I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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