It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
