he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
