I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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