You made me cry and you don't even care
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
