3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
