well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
