no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
