Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
if i died would you start the facebook group?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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