So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
