somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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