We're like a lot better than the average bears
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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