the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
