I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
