I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
