Duck Duck Cougar?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
