the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
