Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize