Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I think I just sharted jello shots
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
