I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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