"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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