We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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