Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
