No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
