Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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