Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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