im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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