Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
