I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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