Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
