So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
