You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
