So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
