Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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