she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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