dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
