note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Randomize
