I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Randomize
