Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
