Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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