I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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