You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
