The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
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I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
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I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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