if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
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I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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