I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
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