the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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