Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
