Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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