i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I pour the whiskey from now on
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
