dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
