Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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