Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I need to calm my uterus...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
