My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
