i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
