This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
