i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
