You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
