Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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