I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
