why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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