you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
