He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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