told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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