Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
