i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
