it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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