the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
