i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
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how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
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I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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