why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
