So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
