Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
