I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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