I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
why is half of my head shaved?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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