FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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