I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
